If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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