So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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