I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He better not be in your backpack
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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