I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
