yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
