Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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