i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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