My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
