i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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