You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
