The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
