Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
