I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
