Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
