Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
