Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
