escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
