The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
