What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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