That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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