dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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