he was CRYING into my vagina
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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