booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
