Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
