I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
