Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
