When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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