I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
