well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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