Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
