Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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