your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
