he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
