Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
