god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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