matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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