Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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