Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
