using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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