Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
