Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
love makes seman taste better
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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