do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
as a side note pls kill me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
