Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
