After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
