He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
