i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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