I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I won't apologize to a one balled man
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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