so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
