Your dad touched me again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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