I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
