all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
