Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
