Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
