He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
